18 posts tagged “personal”
To all my friends:
If you're in the Orlando area the weekend of Saturday, April 19th, drop by the Avion Jet Center for Scion Exposed. Even if you don't own a Scion, come. It'll be an awesome event! There's music and food and prizes and a vintage WWII P-51 Mustang! Oh, and I will be there too. :)
Like the title says, this blog has been due for some time. Lately I've been feeling angry - a lot. And while talking with someone the other day I realized my problem...I'm not as tolerant as I used to be. Over the years, I've swallowed many situations that others wouldn't and I did it in the name of tolerance. "People have enough on their minds," I would say to myself. "A situation like this isn't worth making a big deal."
Not true.
All that swallowing has made my soul grow disproportionate. My spirit chafes during conversation, like some overweight glutton walking on Miami Beach at noon in July, sweaty thighs soaking his awkward-fitting jeans. The skin rubbing against the damp, course material is uncomfortable and every step becomes this agonizing lurch forward to a destination that never seems to get closer.
That’s how I feel. Sure, it sounds melodramatic, but who would read a blog if you didn’t try to make it interesting? I feel the same discomfort as that overweight man walking on the beach. Discomfort coming from the knowledge that, like the fat man, I caused the situation I now despise. He ate too much and I forgave too much. I did too many things for other people. What’s wrong with that you might ask? Well, lately I’ve been feeling that I’ve done it so much it’s now become expected of me. I’m taken for granted.
No, people don’t ask me to do things. I do them on my own. Because of that some might say I don’t have the right to gripe. Wrong. Like the American who doesn’t want immigrants in his country but loves the fact he can get his grass cut for $10, you who tell me I don’t have a right to vent can piss off. This comes with the territory.
And others will argue you can’t set expectations for other people. To those people I say this: Without expectations set by others, what reason would we have to set expectations for ourselves in order to better our own lives.
Some things just don’t get done unless someone takes the initiative. Here’s a list I’ve compiled of basic things no one ever wants to do:
- Organize people to do something
- Take the first step in starting a conversation
- Being the one who apologizes
- Admitting when they are wrong
I’m sure I can think of more things to say if I really thought about it.
Right now a certain Johnny Cash song comes to mind…“I’ll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, ‘till things are brighter, I’m the man in black.” Those words seem powerful to me “try to carry off a little darkness on my back.” That’s what I try to do. That’s what’s put me in this situation. I may not wear black to do it, but the idea’s the same. I fight fire with water. I try taking loneliness and dousing it with companionship. Taking anger and smothering it with patience. Wrapping sadness in laughter.
Well, that’s not how I feel now. Today, I’m much less forgiving. We’re all adults and, as such, are accountable for our actions. I’m tired of being someone else’s crutch.
I'm tired of being the one who initiates dialog that leads to reconciliation.
I'm tired of brining people together.
I'm tired of trying to put a smile on someone's face.
I'm tired because I don’t see it making much of a difference.
This blog isn’t to call anyone out. It’s to vent my situation to the world (because I doubt any of the people who need to read this ever will) before I just say, “fuck it all” and become cynical and bitter like 75% of this carbon-encrusted, oxygen-depleting planet.
And to those friends who fall into the other 25% of this world, thank you. To those strangers in that same 25% who feel, have felt, or one day feel the way I am now and remember this blog – you’re not alone.
Probably the most painful thing I realize now is that I will have to accept this as life or surrender to it. I don’t like surrender. It’s the easy way out. Today I am angry, but tomorrow is a new day. I will resent again and I will get angry again and I will curse my own nature again but I will continue to endure because, if I don’t, then who will?
It’s not that I think I can save the world. I just don’t want to add to the emotional pollution. The negative thoughts, the name-calling, the whispers behind people’s backs…
Today I’m tired. And I find comfort in the words of some of my friends who say my absence brings a measure of sadness. It makes me feel like I do make some difference sometimes. But it’s something I savor momentarily for fear of becoming self-absorbed.
I digress. It’s getting late and I need to close this blog out. (I’ve been contemplating it for almost two hours.) To close I’ll quote the late Robert Humphrey:
Wherever I go,
everyone is a little bit safer because I am there.
Wherever I am,
anyone in need has a friend.
Whenever I return home,
everyone is happy I am there.
It's not an easy creed to live by.
It's difficult to understand your parents. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I'm old and screaming at my children. What can change someone so much, make them so angry that they live in this world where all they see is what they want to? I don't get it. Maybe I'm too young to get it. What I do know is that at this point in my life I see that manner of being as unnacptable. And today I vow to myself never to become the parent that can't see life through their child's eyes. Maybe I'm beeing foolish and idealistic. Maybe. But if each parent wants a better life for their child then I don't want my child to hear the things I'm having to hear now.
July 18-20, 2008 - Atlanta, Georgia - TAIKAI USA 2008
The Atlanta Bujinkan Dojo announces TaiKai USA 2008!
The
Atlanta Dojo, America’s original school of Japan’s oldest martial art,
invites you to attend a very special training opportunity. Bujinkan Master Teachers Bud Malmstrom, Moti Nativ, Roy Wilkinson and Sheila Haddad join forces to share their 110 years of combined Bujinkan experience and perspectives on taijutsu.
Location: TAIKAI USA 2008 will be held at the Hyatt Regency Suites Atlanta NW.
The Hyatt Regency Suites is located at: 2999 Windy Hill Rd in
Marietta, Georgia. You can call them to make your reservation at:
770-956-1234 (International callers dial: +1-770-956-1234), or Click Here
to visit their website. We have negotiated a discounted rate for
TaiKai attendees of $99/night! This is an all-suite hotel, and their
regular suite price starts at $199, so this is an excellent deal.
This rate is good for up to 4 persons sharing a suite, and each living
room has a couch that folds out into a bed. Just tell them you’re
with TAIKAI USA!
Please Note: Be sure to make your hotel reservation as soon as you can to get this special rate. Their cutoff date is June 26th. After June 26, or once the hotel fills up, they will no longer offer the $99 rate.
Kunoichi Kai! Saturday, July 19th, will also be the debut of Kunoichi Kai! Kunoichi Kai is a special training opportunity for women only, and will be led by Sheila Haddad. This will be a one of a kind ’seminar-within-a seminar’, and will focus specifically on training for women in the Bujinkan, giving us the name ’Kunoichi Kai’. (What is a kunoichi? Click Here for more info)
The men will be training on their own on Saturday, instructed by Bud, Moti and Roy, and both groups will rejoin each other to train together on Sunday. This is the first ever Kunoichi Kai seminar, and it will be a unique training opportunity for the Bujinkan women to receive specialized training of this kind. Ladies, this seminar will undoubtedly make a difference in your training - Don’t miss it!
And it's only breathing room because I had to wake up early to withdraw money to pay for lunch today. I've got to say, ever since I started working at JM Family (my new and oh-so wonderful job), my life has been a blur of hours, minutes and days. But it's been a good blur. My workday is a goblet overflowing with tasks and everytime I take a sip from the cup I want more. People might say that's just me saying it because I've got a new job. No. I've never felt that way about a place before. This team I work with is cohesive. Nice people that work together towards a common goal. It's a rarity these days both in communications and corporate America. Yes, things won't always be peachy keen, but in three weeks I've already felt more fulfilled here than in any other place I've been.
That said. What else is going on in my life (for my Atlanta friends who I haven't spoken to in some time)? Well, for my Booj buddies I've been trying to train as much as possible. I've hooked up with my old instructor down here. Classes are different from what I'm used to in the ATL but they're just as great. It's a lot about working out flow and taking one technique and making many henka from it. Very Hatsumi. :-) Oh, and I'm certainly looking forward to Tai Kai!
My dad's been doing well too. I'm slowly integrating into helping him with stuff he can't do so easily anymore. Last weekend I cut down a palm tree cause he couldn't. It's a small thing but times like that remind me it's only going to get worse. I see my mom helping my dad eat sometimes. His right hand's practically lost all of its dexterity. But I have hope. Not in a cure though...I have hope my father can adapt. If there's anything humans excel at is taking a shitty situation and making the best of it. Making it work. I guess that's one of my guiding principles too. You can't choose what you're given sometimes but you have to make it work. Like water or wind, you flow through it, around it and move on.
I'm also embarking on a health-quest. The weight gain I've experienced recently has been noted. While I can't say it was all due to my experiment testing how much bread intake affects the body, I'm sure it played a small part. As did the effect of stress as I tried to relocate to Miami. Now that I'm settled, and in a good place (work and life wise) I can refocus myself on my health. Ideally, I'd like to get rid of this gut. Right now I'd say I'm at 190 - 200 lbs, the most I've ever weighed. My goal is to drop to 170 and maintain that for one hell of a long time. I don't want muscle. I don't want to be built. I just want endurance, cause you never know, right? There are workarounds to situations that require strength. However, endurance and good cardiovascular health can never be overlooked. Part of that goal is listening to my body, understanding what it needs and making sure it's in top contition. A lofty goal, but one that will keep paying off well into old age.
I think that's it for now. David out! :-)
I've been at this new job for five days, but it's felt like five weeks. Five glorious, fun-filled weeks! :) I'm actually at work now, so this will be brief, but my new position's great. Never in my life have I had a "honeymoon" period with a job. I'm dazzled by the amount of goodness this place has to offer. Sure the hours are long and the stress is high, but I'm compensated fairly for what I contribute (also for the first time in life). It seems I've found what I've been looking for all this time. A workplace that can be my life. That's not to say I'm going to spend every waking minute at work, no. But I've always believed in doing what you love and making your job a part of your life and not something you do to survive.
Right now, I couldn't be happer. The only thing to make this bettwe would be if Amber was here with me. :(
So I'm leaving Atlanta next weekend and wanted to have a goodbye party. The problem is I didn't get around to sending invitations until this Wednesday. I texted and emailed and called everyone. My friends replied immediately. "Sorry Dave, I have to work." "Sorry, I'm going out of town." "Sorry, I made plans." Everyone had something else to do. I was bummed I wouldn't see any friends before leaving but couldn't blame anyone either cause the party was last minute.
However, my dojo buddies were coming though. Some had RSVPed in class this week. It would be a chill night of pizza and silly talk. A good way to spend time with friends. :) Not a big shindig, but equally fun. Meanwhile, I made plans to see the folks who couldn't make it later in the week.
Saturday morning comes and I'm at Amber's place. She tells me that her sister needs to be picked up from the airport and I leave to my place to get some packing done. As I'm packing, my friend Ivy calls. She's not feeling well and needs some life advice. She, who had not planned to go to the party that night, asks if she can come cause her other plans fell through and she was bummed. I said, "sure." And told her to come over cause she wanted to talk.
Well, 7pm rolls around and it's party time. I get a call from Amber saying she forgot to pick up food so Ivy and I leave to get it. We stop at Publix, buy soda and chips, and continue on. I park, walk up to Amber's place, open the door and see my dojo buddies crowded around the TV. Then I see Ben. Then I see Jessica. Then Junko...Wait, Jessica is supposed to be in South Carolina. And Ben's supposed to be in Athens. WTF? It took half a synapse spark to realize what was going on. I was in total shock. Amber had planned a surprise party and I had been deceived. It was an awesome surprise, especially for me. I'm used to planning the surprise and not being the one surprised! LOL.
So yes, my fiancée had organized a massive surprise party without my knowing. I'd been so tied up in the moving plans I didn't even stop to consider why everyone couldn't make it to MY party. It's cause they were all coming to HERS. (^-^) Yup, Saturday February 9th 2008 was one of the happiest nights of my life. Thanks to everyone who came out. You all totally blew me away. And thanks to Amber, whose reading this now as I type it, who orchestrated everything. Oh, and to Ivy who lied to my face so I would be distracted long enough for everyone to set up. And to everyone else who made this possible, I'll miss you all. But not to worry, I plan to take routine trips to the ATL throughout the year! :) Thank yyyoooooouuuuuuuuu!
Again, my life is undergoing a change, physically and mentally. I'm leaving the city I learned to call home only a few months ago. Atlanta, I'll miss you. I'll miss your changing seasons and rolling hills. I'll miss your national parks and rivers. I'll miss you too Morgan Falls, nature's little hiding place at the edge of the city.
In high school and college, I lived out of a backpack. Several jobs and an always-changing schedule meant I couldn't sit still. And that's fine for me. I like change, I like the whirlwind that comes with moving from one place to another. However, I think I'm ready to just sit and chill for a bit. I'm ready to be a rock and sink to the bottom of the ocean, watching the amazing things that pass by me. Multi-colored fish with spikes, eels, sideways-walking crabs, even the occasional Speedo-clad mammal invading my turf.
I'll always love traveling. The only thing that prevents travel from being my passion is the fact I have to pay rent and electricity and gas and water and...well, you get the picture. But now that I've broken the 50K mark maybe I can start doing more traveling. See more of the world with my wonderful fiancée. It's something I'd like. We'll see how it turns out. Before, I liked travel for one reason - it wasn't home. Now I like it for two. I like traveling because it's something new. I also like traveling because nothing feels better than coming home. It's like coming home from school after your first day of kindergarten (or pre-school for all you that got an early start).
At least I'm returning to a good place. Miami can hardly be called a downgrade from Atlanta. They're on the same level I think, but accentuate different parts of my personality. To me, Atlanta was all about discovering new things. Not because it was a new city, but because they're more diversity. The mix of Asian, Indian, Southern American and all other kindsa culture really created this fantastic fusion of new things to discover. Combine that with the national parks and 42 streets all named Peachtree and you've got an explorer salad. Miami, however, is like another country all together. The rumors are true. Miami's got a fusion, but this one is of different latin cultures. Europe, South America and the Caribbean (and I include non-latin countries like Hati and Jamaica in the mix). It's a laid back place and it's my old stomping ground. Only thing I've got to say that sucks about Miami is it's flat. But that's a tradeoff because Atlanta's beaches suck. Why? Oh, because Atlanta's four hours inland from the coast.
It'll be good to be near water again. It'll be good to see the ocean whenever I want. Ironic. I can't swim but feel this kinship to water. Water and wind, my two elements. Well, I like them all: earth, water, wind, fire...but I feel particularly awed by the vastness of the sea and the way wind makes it change and rage.
But enough ranting, I need to get back to f$%king Matt Damon. :) Um, I mean work...I've got to get back to work...yea.
Ok, so it's not really anything complicated but it's a render right? IronCAD just got this new advanced rendering system put into it and I needed to use it today. I'm creating a brochure for a furniture client and needed some pictures done up in our own system.
