5 posts tagged “rant”
Like the title says, this blog has been due for some time. Lately I've been feeling angry - a lot. And while talking with someone the other day I realized my problem...I'm not as tolerant as I used to be. Over the years, I've swallowed many situations that others wouldn't and I did it in the name of tolerance. "People have enough on their minds," I would say to myself. "A situation like this isn't worth making a big deal."
Not true.
All that swallowing has made my soul grow disproportionate. My spirit chafes during conversation, like some overweight glutton walking on Miami Beach at noon in July, sweaty thighs soaking his awkward-fitting jeans. The skin rubbing against the damp, course material is uncomfortable and every step becomes this agonizing lurch forward to a destination that never seems to get closer.
That’s how I feel. Sure, it sounds melodramatic, but who would read a blog if you didn’t try to make it interesting? I feel the same discomfort as that overweight man walking on the beach. Discomfort coming from the knowledge that, like the fat man, I caused the situation I now despise. He ate too much and I forgave too much. I did too many things for other people. What’s wrong with that you might ask? Well, lately I’ve been feeling that I’ve done it so much it’s now become expected of me. I’m taken for granted.
No, people don’t ask me to do things. I do them on my own. Because of that some might say I don’t have the right to gripe. Wrong. Like the American who doesn’t want immigrants in his country but loves the fact he can get his grass cut for $10, you who tell me I don’t have a right to vent can piss off. This comes with the territory.
And others will argue you can’t set expectations for other people. To those people I say this: Without expectations set by others, what reason would we have to set expectations for ourselves in order to better our own lives.
Some things just don’t get done unless someone takes the initiative. Here’s a list I’ve compiled of basic things no one ever wants to do:
- Organize people to do something
- Take the first step in starting a conversation
- Being the one who apologizes
- Admitting when they are wrong
I’m sure I can think of more things to say if I really thought about it.
Right now a certain Johnny Cash song comes to mind…“I’ll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, ‘till things are brighter, I’m the man in black.” Those words seem powerful to me “try to carry off a little darkness on my back.” That’s what I try to do. That’s what’s put me in this situation. I may not wear black to do it, but the idea’s the same. I fight fire with water. I try taking loneliness and dousing it with companionship. Taking anger and smothering it with patience. Wrapping sadness in laughter.
Well, that’s not how I feel now. Today, I’m much less forgiving. We’re all adults and, as such, are accountable for our actions. I’m tired of being someone else’s crutch.
I'm tired of being the one who initiates dialog that leads to reconciliation.
I'm tired of brining people together.
I'm tired of trying to put a smile on someone's face.
I'm tired because I don’t see it making much of a difference.
This blog isn’t to call anyone out. It’s to vent my situation to the world (because I doubt any of the people who need to read this ever will) before I just say, “fuck it all” and become cynical and bitter like 75% of this carbon-encrusted, oxygen-depleting planet.
And to those friends who fall into the other 25% of this world, thank you. To those strangers in that same 25% who feel, have felt, or one day feel the way I am now and remember this blog – you’re not alone.
Probably the most painful thing I realize now is that I will have to accept this as life or surrender to it. I don’t like surrender. It’s the easy way out. Today I am angry, but tomorrow is a new day. I will resent again and I will get angry again and I will curse my own nature again but I will continue to endure because, if I don’t, then who will?
It’s not that I think I can save the world. I just don’t want to add to the emotional pollution. The negative thoughts, the name-calling, the whispers behind people’s backs…
Today I’m tired. And I find comfort in the words of some of my friends who say my absence brings a measure of sadness. It makes me feel like I do make some difference sometimes. But it’s something I savor momentarily for fear of becoming self-absorbed.
I digress. It’s getting late and I need to close this blog out. (I’ve been contemplating it for almost two hours.) To close I’ll quote the late Robert Humphrey:
Wherever I go,
everyone is a little bit safer because I am there.
Wherever I am,
anyone in need has a friend.
Whenever I return home,
everyone is happy I am there.
It's not an easy creed to live by.
I'm tired of all the bullshit political rhetoric about this. Today on NPR I hear, yet again, how illegals (particularly those from Central American countries) are being singled out, even branded as criminals in some states like Arizona. I'm sorry. When did America close its borders to those seeking better lives? Was it when we slaughtered whole nations of Native Americans to make this sea to shining see a reality? Don't use immigration as the scapegoat to mask our broken governmental systems and don't use cracking down on illegal immigrants as a solution. Perhaps if the INS didn't do such a piss poor job then there would be less issue with the influx of people coming into this nation.
I hate when these crusaders for "taking back America" say they're doing it for the country and its people. Those immigrents you're persecuting ARE OUR PEOPLE. "Give us your tired, your poor, your hungry, your huddled masses yearning to be free." That message is inscribed on the Statue of Liberty, an undying symbol of America. This country is built on the backs of people from other nations. Even early colonists were mearly European refugees. So it was OK for them to seek refuge hundreds of years ago but now it's forbidden?
Americans crusading for America, don't tell me this land is yours. We took it. I'm proud to be an American, but I'll aknowledge the horrible things we did to make this great nation. Let's not continue to do bad works now by persicuting those who are looking for better lives, like your ancestors did in the past. Has this country become cynical and sour in its old age, just a little over 200 years in? Come on America. You can do better.
Actually, I know the answer to my question. Ignorance. I have several friends who are from various Asian continents. China, Japan, Vietnam, Korea...all of them hate being called Asian. They hate it because ignorant people assume that because they're Asians they must be quiet and good at sciences and tons of other things. I understand that's why you might hate being called Asian but don't let ignorant people make you deny your heritage. If you look Asian, you are Asian or of Asian decent. There's no denying it, nor should you deny it because of ignorant people. Don't be insulted when someone calls you Asian. Be insulted when someone calls you Asian and makes assumptions based from that. And for those that say Asian is a generic term, I say to you this: Would you rather someone called you Japanese if you were Korean? Some people don't know enough to tell the difference. Can you tell a Kenyan from a Tanzanian? A Iranian from a Kuwaiti? A Cuban from a Venezuelan? I'd rather get the region down first and then talk more about where a person's from. It makes for interesting conversation.
In my case, I'm Hispanic. I don't mind being called Hispanic and I want my children to know that's where I come from. My family doesn't have any heirlooms to pass on, so all I can give my kids is my culture. The foods we eat, the values we share, the language we speak, and the history of our ancestors.
To me, where we come from is as important as where we are. The differences in the cultures we share is amazing.
I'll end this blog with something I read online. It's from a friend's page, someone who I recently met...
“Differences, borders, lines, surfaces and boundaries do not really divide things from each other at all, they join them together. All boundaries are held in common.” - Alan Watts
I was looking at an image the other day. It was a humorous take on social networks, but I got something more out of it. At the center of a massive bubble chart is the person, surrounded by all these links to other people in related networks. However, out in some distant corner is a friend on another network you can't talk to. That's what I mean by saying no one likes the term "proprietary." Proprietary technology can be good. Apple, for example, sells its own computer and makes its own software. That's great when you think compatibility. Everything made by Apple, works on Apple computers. Close the lid on an Apple laptop and it goes into standby. Open it and it comes back. If you do the same on a laptop PC, the results aren't always the same. Windows can't make up for the fact each laptop running it might have different internal hardware. But this is a trade off. Windows-based PCs are much more flexible than Macs. So in the end you're left choosing what benefits you. Everything is give and take after all. No one product is perfect.
But I digress. My example's a little more elaborate than I wanted. Proprietary extends beyond just computers. Think cell phone networks with phones you can't use on competing networks. Sure you can "unlock" a phone. But that's not the standard. File formats too. GIMP (an Open Source image editor comparable to Photoshop) will never be 100% up-to-date on Adobe's PSD file format.
In my job, there's a heated debate on propriety technology and proprietary file formats. I work for a CAD software company. And I watch as other companies, like Autodesk (the makers of AutoCAD), vehemently fight to keep their DWG and DXF file formats out of the hands of the Open Source community. Why? Because if they loose that proprietary edge, hundreds of customers who only use Autodesk products because they have so much data vested in their file formats would leave. Customers displeased with the software, but coerced because the cost of switching to competitors is too much.
In our everyday lives we see it too. Maybe not in money, but in time. Microsoft's Hotmail doesn't let you export contacts. When I switched from Hotmail to Gmail I had to copy, one by one, all of my contacts. And that irritates me. Companies lock you in to using their stuff when what people want is flexibility to make their on choices. It seems today's corporations are all about control and, in the digital age, it's easier to get that. That's why I applaud companies like Google and communities like Facebook. Google believes int he freedom of information. Facebook has opened their API for others to interact and post information. A perfect example is how I can post this blog directly to Facebook but have to re-post it on Myspace. A needless step in my opinion when integration seems so possible.
What people want hasn't changed in years. Convinence. A way to do things easier. Corporations today aren't helping by making their services and technology "proprietary." They're just making life more of a pain each and every day.
chal·lenge [chal-inj]
| 1. | a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc. |
| 2. | something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.: Space exploration offers a challenge to humankind. |
| 3. | a call to fight, as a battle, a duel, etc. |
| 4. | a demand to explain, justify, etc.: a challenge to the treasurer to itemize expenditures. |
| 5. | difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it. |
prob·lem [prob-luh
m] | 1. | any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty. |
| 2. | a question proposed for solution or discussion. |
| 3. | Mathematics. a statement requiring a solution, usually by means of a mathematical operation or geometric construction. |
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Look at definition #5 for challenge and #1 for problem. A challenge is an engaging problem you're interested in. Problem, however, is all-encompassing. Citizens of the United States, PLEASE stop using "challenge" to describe every little issue you have. When you can't open a file because of some computer error, you have a PROBLEM not a CHALLENGE. Saying "I have a challenge" instead of "I have a problem" will in no way change your outlook on life. It will not make the PROBLEM easier to face or resolve.
Stop this foolishness.
